Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
