if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
So apparently I’m into choking now
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