It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
