she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize