The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
