So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize