we're chasing vodka with high fives
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
