Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
This is my gift to your gina
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
