Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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