She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Farmville is her only friend.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
