I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
