guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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