Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
