So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
