You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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