The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
