that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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