one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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