I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
