So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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