Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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