Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
