I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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