A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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