last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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