It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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