I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
