the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
