at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Girls should come with a carfax report
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
