Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
