it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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