whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
