Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
