Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
