bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize