They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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