This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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