Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
lets start a swedish sibling band together
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
