I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
