Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
