I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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