I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
