Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
