i was born a porn star she said
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
