That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
