No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
