It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
