I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
