i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
