I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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