white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
You smell like stripper and shame
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
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