4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
