There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
