Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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