I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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