Got a toothbrush?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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