a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
