Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
