My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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