Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize