Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
the raccoons are back...
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