Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
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