I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
You can't motorboat a personality
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
