Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize