he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
