sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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