she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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