i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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