Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
