The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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