need another drink. this is the easiest way
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
