just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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