This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
