apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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