In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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