I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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