they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
