doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
