redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm both gender and math confused
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