My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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