dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
