So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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