you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
