peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
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