so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
