Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Randomize
