i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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