I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
