Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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