i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Come back. Shots need mouths.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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