She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize