Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
