i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
