i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
