Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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