u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
