when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
