Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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